Uber Crapfest

Dragonball:


This looks like a mix between 'Power Rangers' and 'Fantastic Four 'with the production value of 'Walker: Texas Ranger'.

And shouldn't Goku be Japanese?

FAIL!

.....speaking of characters who don't match their supposed ethnicities, have you seen the girl who plays Chun-Li? She isn't even Chinese! WTF? And the movie doesn't have Ken or Ryu in it? WHAT?

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li


Well... at least we have "G.I. Joe" to look forward to.

Ray Park as Snake Eyes? Yes!



Oh wait a minute.... Joseph Gordon Levitt plays Cobra Commander..... kill me now....

Attention: Fans of comic books (and irony)

Hi. I'll keep my introduction swift. You can call me Nairb McDuck. Max Rebos real-life brother. Once upon a time, I would fill a santa hat with miscellaneous sweets and hand them out to all the delinquents at school. These days, not much has changed. Instead of delicious candy, I offer my words, and instead of a santa hat, I have this here blog. Gather 'round so I can tell y'all a story that is sure to chill your bones and instill you with a deeper appreciation for the lack of comedy (for lack of a better word) in your universe as opposed to mine. Hold on tight. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

*Ahem*

Okay, so my life is hilarious and ironic. Unreasonable and ridiculous events occur on an aggravating basis and I've come to expect it; the lack of karmic balance in my corner of the universe has remained constant since I was old enough to pick up on such things and as much as it pisses me off I try my best to go with the flow. I'm sure that this is no different from many of you so you should know what I'm talking about.

However, last night was a little different. "Why was last night so special?" one might ask. Allow me to explain. In one of my many adventures across this fair land I've managed to accidentally stumble across a modest pile of comic books. The when and where are insignificant. They sat in my backpack for a few days until I finally unpacked them and placed them amongst all of the other old stuff I've been collecting in the corner of my room (i.e. vinyl, old books, etc.). Last night I decided to do a bit of research online and I found out quite a bit of information on these comics. Most of them are from the late seventies, specifically 1977 and 1978. They were in pretty darn good shape so I suspected that at least a few of them might be worth some cash and it looks like I was right. I calculated a rough estimate by looking at a couple different resources and the number I came up with decent. It wasn't extraordinary but it was something.

But there was one comic that eluded my attention. I didn't notice it at first, which is ironic in itself because I'm a self-proclaimed Star Wars geek of sorts and this was an original Marvel brand Star-Wars comic. In fact, there were four of them. One through four. So, I looked them up. In comparison, these comics are all nearly identical except for one striking detail: the fourth issue features a square around the price tag (which is thirty-five cents) rather than a diamond, which is featured on the other three. Because of this minor aesthetic difference, this particular comic book is worth over one thousand dollars.

Part of my brain was ecstatic. Thoughts and fantasies of bills being paid, Christmas gifts being bought, and chocolate soy-milk being gulped flashed past my focus like high beams on the thru-way at night. But I knew better than this. I walk in these shoes every day and I adhere to the most influential fundamental law that governs events in my life: irony. So after inspecting the comic up and down I found what I was looking for. To be short, the comic is in beautiful condition given its age; there are no creases in the paper, all the pages are intact and the color is far from fading away, but what makes all of this so common place and predictable is that there are no staples in the binding and the actual comic is not attached to the cover, so (unless I'm wrong) it's pretty much worthless.

ZOMG.

All of the other comics in the pile have their staples. Some of them are in questionable condition but if you look at the edge you will find those goddamn staples right where they're supposed to be, doing what they're supposed to do.

I'm pretty sure there is nothing left to be said. My life is hilarious and ironic. Unreasonable and ridiculous events occur on an aggravating basis and I've come to expect it; the lack of karmic balance in my corner of the universe has remained constant since I was old enough to pick up on such things and as much as it pisses me off I try my best to go with the flow. I'm sure that this is no different from many of you so you should know what I'm talking about.

*Sigh*

Ice storms suck hardcore!

So I've been crazy lately when it comes to this website lately, and I apologize for that! But I have an excuse for the past few days because NY and the northeast in general got slammed with a huge ice storm and we haven't had heat and hot water since Friday night. We had electricity but the Stockade Inn lost theirs and thats where we pick up our signal from. So no internet.

But on a nerdy note I found out that Twilight 2 (aka New Moon) is already having some issues being made. They got rid of the current director, are possibly changing the actor who is playing Jacob, and yadda yadda yadda. I did see Twilight... it was good... there is no way it could have possibly been as good as the book but I was happy. If nothing else that movie is 2 beautiful hours of eye candy. A huge chunk of that book is feelings and emotions and thoughts and they had a really hard time portraying that. But I was pleased. I also just started reading the newest vampire craze by Charlaine Harris... the Sookie Stackhouse series. So far so good.

On a non-nerdy note I'm in the process of converting to veganism. Today is day 13 and I'm doing pretty good so far. I got a little pissed at the company who makes "Veggie Cheese" and throws milk in there just because they feel like it! Technically I'm not a vegan yet because I haven't removed all animal products from my life, but I'm working on it. And the more research I do the more I am determined to continue down this path! Wish me luck.

punisher: war zone review

i was rather concerned with this new punisher: war zone movie. i am still traumatized from watching the dolf rungren film in the 80s (as an 80s action film it was perfectly fine, but to call it "the punisher" fucking FAIL). the last punisher film with thomas jane made up for that abortion of a film. sure it deviated from the comics a greta deal but did a great job of keeping the spirit of the thing. the trailers for war zone looked full of grade A cheese and i was not looking forward to this. till i got the call that a reliable source saw it and it was good. i had to see it for myself.

i love it when movies start off in the middle of things. the punisher has already been out for a bit and everyone knows he kills criminals dead. that's all he does. like the terminator. sure the police "offically" are trying to catch him, but deep down inside, they love him. he can do the things they cant do. paying the price they wont. he even takes sick glee in the creation of jigsaw (slight comic deviation, but acceptable). jigsaw at the plastic surgeon smacks of the joker in tim burton's batman. let this be a lesson to all plastic surgeons, if you ever have to operate on an insane and deformed criminal, just save time and inject that needle full of air into your arm ASAP. i also do not remember jigsaw having A)  a brother and B) said brother being a cross of hannibal lector and the joker.

at least they did a great job of making all these evil doers rememberable and with a unique reason for you to hate them and cheer ol' frank castle on as he puts out their lights. everyone from the stereotypical mobster with his fuck up, emo, coke-head son (oh do not get me started on him. i think it is a him. cannot be too certain with emos) to the carribean parkour catburlars. the sheer amount of gore and vicera flying in the air is on a new scale of awesome. the only place to see more human gibblet pieces in an a B grade horror movie. heads were exploding every other minute. it was great. this was blooder than every other marvel studios movies, combined.

some weak spots i found were the expressedly cheesy parts. hanging from the chandlier, spinning and shooting mobsters by the roomful in slow motion has been done to death. no more, i beg of you. jigsaw's pimp walk with patton-esque speach. and frank's little talk with a priest at what looks to be limelight in new york city (party monster, yeah!). all that i could do without, but what do you expect in a balls out action flick? wherehas i know why punisher has microchip and understand that dynamic, it leaves the non-comic book fan a little in the dark. they are left wondering why he is helping punisher so directly.

personally, i felt the climax of the film was not in the last 15 minutes, but in the first 30. you see, punisher is not out there to punish the bad guys. he is so guilt ridden from his family's death he really punishing himself by fighting a war that will never end, hoping that one day either some street punk gets lucky or a good guy is there the day he fucks up. he is only human.

 

i give it a bloody thumbs up on account i sliced my thumb open on accident shortly after watching it.

 

ps fanboy momment of the year is the brad street hotel. if you know, you know.